Creating Effective Routines for Busy Mums
In this episode of With Both Hands, we explore the lived reality behind the question so many mothers ask: how do you actually make business and family life work side by side? Moving beyond theory, the conversation centres on the practical structures, conversations and mindset shifts that make the balancing act more sustainable.
Expect reflections on shared responsibility, honest communication with partners, and the importance of realistic expectations in seasons that feel full. We discuss routines, contingency planning when children are unwell, and the emotional impact of holding professional commitments alongside parental care. The episode also considers how adaptability, rather than perfection, becomes the most valuable skill in modern motherhood.
Rooted in lived experience, this conversation affirms that no one manages it alone. By building supportive networks, sharing resources and embracing flexibility, mothers can create a version of success that honours both ambition and family life without sacrificing themselves in the process.
Transcript
Hi, welcome to With Both Hands.
Speaker A:I'm Claire.
Speaker B:And I'm Laura.
Speaker A:And we are two mums who met on the Internet.
Speaker A:Today we are diving into the practical side of what we talk about here.
Speaker A:So we talk a lot about balancing business, whether that's running, building, scaling something of your own or if you are working for someone else, and motherhood.
Speaker A:And how do we hold both those things.
Speaker A:And one of the things that I think both of us get a lot of questions about is, okay, but how does that look in the day to day?
Speaker A:Like, how are you doing this?
Speaker A:How are you doing both things?
Speaker A:So we wanted to take a little time to go through some of the more practical strategies, tips, tricks, things just.
Speaker B:To share a little bit of knowledge.
Speaker A:Some ideas and open that conversation.
Speaker A:Because there's a wealth of ideas, I'm sure, in our community and within our audience.
Speaker A:And let's all share these things with each other and try and make each other's lives a little bit easier.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And I'm excited for this.
Speaker A:I get this.
Speaker B:This must be one of my top asked questions is how do you do it all?
Speaker B:So, yeah, we took some time to work out what it is that we do and we're going to share some of those things with you.
Speaker A:Let's start with some basics.
Speaker A:The day to day, the routines, the way that you actually move through the day and actually try and get things done.
Speaker A:And we don't always get things done.
Speaker A:Sometimes it all falls down.
Speaker A:We've just been having a conversation about sick kids and that particular.
Speaker A:And every mother who works knows how much that derails everything on a regular basis.
Speaker A:And sometimes it does.
Speaker A:So you need contingencies.
Speaker A:But when it comes to just the running of a day to day, running a family, running a business or working how do we get food on plates, how do we get people where they need to be, how do we hit deadlines, how do we serve clients, how do we show up the way that we want to as mums and also in our businesses or in our work.
Speaker B:And as human beings.
Speaker A:And as human beings.
Speaker A:So, Laur, tell me, if somebody asked you for your top strategies, if somebody said, what are the things that really underpin your ability to move through the days and make them work and flow as well as they can within the parameters of everything you have to hold, what would you tell them?
Speaker B:I would say first thing is it's never an easy stream of flow.
Speaker B:No matter what I've done.
Speaker B:There is always a rogue rock that pushes a stream in a different direction.
Speaker B:It never particularly Feels smooth.
Speaker B:Um, even if when you are looking in from the outside, it looks that way, it's the first things first.
Speaker B:Like you're usually, I think your perception of how other people are coping is sometimes warped or quite often warped.
Speaker B:And actually no one is, is doing as well as maybe you think they are.
Speaker B:Um, so that would be my number one just reset expectation.
Speaker B:And then number two would be, I heavily rely on my husband, which shouldn't be that shocking.
Speaker B:But ultimately a lot of people don't realize that we can share the load.
Speaker B:And me and Kieran talk about it quite often.
Speaker B:There'll just be bits of conversation that we overhear and we're like, wow.
Speaker B:And then it comes.
Speaker B:It helps us realize that actually a lot of people don't operate the way the had crafts operate.
Speaker B:And by that I mean we really do share the load.
Speaker B:And we have a lot of conversations about it and have done throughout the years on who's doing what when in the week.
Speaker B:If one of us is feeling overwhelmed, we'll bring that up and say, right, I feel like I've got a bit too much on my plate.
Speaker B:Can you take anything?
Speaker B:And then say, say that was Kieran.
Speaker B:And he asked me and I couldn't.
Speaker B:Then we'd be like, right, so what is the solvable?
Speaker B:Do we need to recruit?
Speaker B:Do we need to get someone else in to help us with this?
Speaker B:So yeah, I say open communication and sharing the load and then just planning, which is really boring.
Speaker A:And how do you do that?
Speaker A:Do you guys have a family calendar?
Speaker A:Do you have like a Google calendar that you share?
Speaker B:Yeah, so we have all that.
Speaker B:So we have a Google Calendar, which is the family calendar, which everything's on and it's color coded.
Speaker B:We try and keep to the colors, but not always.
Speaker B:And it, we always preface it with what it is.
Speaker B:So like the.
Speaker B:It'll say gym.
Speaker B:So then we know that it's the gym.
Speaker B:And that'll be a different color or meeting or off site or travel.
Speaker B:So always start with the kind of activity that it is.
Speaker B:And then after that the adult.
Speaker B:So if it's something I'm doing, it'll say Laura.
Speaker B:Or if it's Kieran, it'll say Kieran and then X and then whatever it is, it is.
Speaker B:So mine I'll say Jim Laura XPT or Jim Laura X. Pilates or Travel Laura Costa Rica.
Speaker B:So it kind of says that.
Speaker B:And we put everything in there.
Speaker B:The same with the kids.
Speaker B:So the kids stuff all goes in there.
Speaker B:The hobbies go in there.
Speaker B:So if someone gets Invited to a party, it goes into the calendar.
Speaker B:And then when we come to a Sunday, we will be looking at that week, like, what is going on this week?
Speaker B:And then we'll assign who's doing what, particularly with the kids stuff.
Speaker B:So, okay, you're at a meeting.
Speaker B:So then I need to pick this kid up or whatever it might be, or money to put some after school club there because of xyz.
Speaker B:But on a Sunday, religiously, we just make time.
Speaker B:And first thing in the morning, as we're making our brew, it just becomes kind of like, it's not a thing, it just happens because we know that that makes the rest of the week flow.
Speaker B:And then we have a whiteboard at the front door, which is just a whiteboard and pen malarkey.
Speaker B:Everyone's got a column, it's handwritten and.
Speaker B:And the big things go on there.
Speaker B:So it's not every meeting, but like the kids will have.
Speaker B:And there's their PE days and their hobbies.
Speaker B:So if they're at swimming on a particular day, we'll have swimming on there.
Speaker B:Just to give them to start thinking about the stuff they need.
Speaker B:So my older two will make sure that they've got what they need to go out the door.
Speaker B:I now don't need to think about that.
Speaker B:That's on them.
Speaker B:The little two is also there for me.
Speaker B:So then I'm like, have we got all those bags?
Speaker B:It's at the front door.
Speaker B:It reminds me to look, have we got those stuff?
Speaker B:And then off we go.
Speaker B:I think the other thing that we have in our house, which is easier for getting out the door, being around we have four.
Speaker B:We have four children.
Speaker B:So maybe everyone doesn't need to do this.
Speaker B:But it's something that's really helped us is everyone has their own peg, like, bit like at school and they're at child height.
Speaker B:So when they come in from school, they put their stuff on their peg and then when they leave in the morning, they take their stuff off their pegs, their school bags on their lunchbox.
Speaker B:Everything goes on their peg.
Speaker B:So, yeah, it just means we're not hunting around for everything.
Speaker B:Everyone has their own peg at the front door.
Speaker A:I love that as well, because I think it is a really good, like integrated way of fostering that sense of independence and responsibility.
Speaker A:Like, this is on my mind a lot at the moment because my oldest has just turned six and it's felt like obviously we're at different stages and it's felt like such a big jump.
Speaker A:Like literally the second he turned 6, it was like, we'd stepped out of the toddler preschool, reception, younger child, and into this, like, next stage, which I think is probably like six, until we start looking at tweens.
Speaker A:And something that's coming up for me a lot at the moment is like, I'm aware of myself struggling to let go of him as this very small child and trying to.
Speaker A:And my husband is really good at kind of trying to encourage me to give him some more responsibility, because I think that's really important.
Speaker A:So we're thinking a lot about how we want them to identify and find identity within the family unit as a working part of that family unit and not just as a pure dependent.
Speaker A:So I think things like that I find really, really helpful as ideas to be.
Speaker A:Like, I love the idea of him having his own peg and being responsible for his swimming bag and being responsible for, you know, his rugby kit and things like that, and starting to bring in the idea that you need to, you know, show up as a member of this family and you have some responsibility.
Speaker A:I think that's really important.
Speaker B:Yeah, I do.
Speaker B:And don't get me wrong, I think for my children in particular, we're working with neurodivergent children.
Speaker B:So we also.
Speaker B:There's times where that will work really well, and there's times where their executive function.
Speaker B:And without going into the full breadth of neurodiversity, but particularly with autism, it can fluctuate.
Speaker B:So some days you can do everything, everything's fine, and then other days you can't.
Speaker B:Your executive functions out the door.
Speaker B:And your executive function is like the way your brain thinks and puts things in order.
Speaker B:And sometimes that just doesn't.
Speaker B:Doesn't work well.
Speaker B:And that includes that I'm also autistic.
Speaker B:That also includes me.
Speaker B:So a lot the strategies we have in place is to reduce how many decisions any of us have to make.
Speaker B:Like, if it's just we put that there, we don't have to make a decision of where does this go.
Speaker B:We just know that actually that that's its home and that's where it lives.
Speaker B:But this also means that sometimes the children's executive function isn't where we need it to be.
Speaker B:So things like put your shoes on sometimes we can say it's time to go, and that will instigate them to go and put the shoes on.
Speaker B:Sometimes there'll be children in my house that cannot do that, and we have to put their shoes on for them.
Speaker B:But having it all at the front door makes that easier for us because we know where everything is, but we still have to meet our kids where they're at and that's really, that's such, such nit.
Speaker B:We spent so much time, particularly when my eldest was younger in fighting for him to be independent before we knew like that he was autistic and what we were dealing with and we were doing what we should have been doing.
Speaker B:We were following the super nanny mentality and using time out and you'll do as I say kind of thing.
Speaker B:And obviously now we realize that wasn't the right thing to do.
Speaker B:And meeting them where that is such an important.
Speaker B:It's the one thing that's kind of reduced our workload sometimes.
Speaker B:Fighting for them to be independent actually adds more to what we need to do.
Speaker B:So sometimes we've scaled it down, but actually it makes our life much smoother rather than causing friction constantly because they should be able to do this by now, they should be able to get dressed, but actually if they can't, they can't.
Speaker B:And actually it's easier for us to just get them dressed and move on then fight with them for an hour.
Speaker B:Do you know what I mean?
Speaker B:So it's like choosing them and finding them where they're at is something that has definitely eased the stress in our house, particularly in the morning.
Speaker B:It's just, we'll just get you dressed today.
Speaker A:And I think that's such an important piece actually when you're talking about kind of strategies to make sure that days run as smoothly as possible when you have so much to hold at the same time.
Speaker A:Actually the way that you approach situations can be as important as the scaffolding you have in place on a practical level, can't it?
Speaker A:Because if you're constantly pushing for something that isn't happening easily and you're constantly at loggerheads and you're fighting every little battle because you feel like you should, then you end up in a situation where everything's going to take longer, everybody's stressed and overwhelmed and everything becomes a lot more difficult.
Speaker A:So I think there's strategies like that.
Speaker A:Like for example, I use play a lot to try and encourage, to try and put some scaffolding in place around the behavior that you want, the outcomes that you want, without spending all of your time just at loggerheads with a child.
Speaker A:Because finding yourself at quarter to nine in the morning, trying to get out the door and finding yourself locked in a battle with a five year old and it's like, this is ridiculous.
Speaker A:Like why are you fighting with a five year old right now?
Speaker B:And that's because they trigger our inner children as well.
Speaker B:So you're fighting with a five year old because your five year old is showing up to the party.
Speaker A:Five year old Clara's like okay, let's go.
Speaker A:But that's not helpful to 38 year old Claire is like, okay, but we have a meeting at 9 so can.
Speaker B:We turn up as the adult and actually what is the solution out of this?
Speaker B:And that might be that I need to put his coat on for him today and that's okay.
Speaker A:Which is so hard.
Speaker A:It's so hard to come back to 38 year old Claire.
Speaker B:But I'm, I find it easier to do now for children in than I did with my first and second and I think part of that is becoming really comfortable as a mother.
Speaker B:Like really I'm self assured that I do actually know what's best for my children now.
Speaker B:When I was a young mum I didn't, I looked outside myself quite often because I thought, well, I'm really young, can't possibly know what I'm doing, so this other person will definitely know what I should be doing.
Speaker B:And I followed their lead rather than leading myself.
Speaker B:And I don't know whether it's maturity or four kids or a mixture of both, but now I rarely look to anywhere else.
Speaker B:I gather the information, I make my own decision on how we're moving things forward with Kieran.
Speaker B:So me and Kieran will have lots of conversations, particularly if it's a bit of a contentious parenting issue.
Speaker B:Like particularly with the teens.
Speaker B:They're bringing new things for us to debate over the little ones.
Speaker B:I think we kind of, we know what's okay for a five year old and what's not okay for five year old.
Speaker B:When you get to 15, 16, that they get a bit grayer.
Speaker B:Those areas of like what do we, what are we tolerating?
Speaker B:My eldest was asking for something at Christmas and I won't let details what it was, but we were a hard boundary.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:And he said to me, are you saying no?
Speaker B:Because how did he word it?
Speaker B:It was something along the lines of are you saying no because you want to say no or just because you've been conditioned to say no and you think that's what a good parent is.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker A:I mean so triggering but I love it.
Speaker B:I was like, I'm saying no because it's responsible parenting.
Speaker B:Because I know it's responsible parenting and the answer is no.
Speaker B:So yeah, like it's knowing your boundaries but knowing what is worth fighting and what is worth just letting go.
Speaker B:Like it really does not matter.
Speaker B:My daughter used to really trigger us because she was hyper independent.
Speaker B:She still very much is.
Speaker B:So when you're in a rush and you're waiting for a two year old to put lace boots on and you need to leave the house and that's going to take 30 minutes and eventually she's going to give up on ashes to help.
Speaker B:But you're like, let me just do it now.
Speaker B:And she's like, absolutely not.
Speaker B:No, we learned that actually we're just going to have to tell her to go downstairs half an hour before we actually need to leave so she can go through that process herself and then we can still get the door on time.
Speaker B:So it's like working out each child for where, where they are as well.
Speaker B:And yeah, it's definitely the approach.
Speaker B:Not just the what it's the is the how, it's the how we're coming into that situation, not just what the situation is.
Speaker A:Absolutely, yeah.
Speaker A:You have just described my two year old also.
Speaker A:And so, yeah, building in time is such, I think, an underrated hack and it usually means a trade off for something else, but just building in enough time.
Speaker A:And this is a lesson I've learned the hard way, I think, because my tendency in the past, I think was very much too focus on trying to make sure that we were fitting in activities and fitting in, you know, doing all the stuff and making sure that every day was optimized for a magical childhood, which is important.
Speaker A:But also sometimes you need to build in half an hour for shoes on.
Speaker A:And that I think is something you learn with experience as you go along.
Speaker B:Slash.
Speaker B:No one told me that.
Speaker A:No, well, nobody tells you that.
Speaker B:Yeah, children listen and children do as you say like that.
Speaker B:As I enter parenthood, yeah, that was the message I received.
Speaker B:Like children need discipline.
Speaker B:Children need to be told when to do things.
Speaker B:And really we shouldn't really trust our children to know themselves.
Speaker B:I have learned over the last 16 years that that's utter nonsense.
Speaker B:And actually children do know how to look after themselves and also know how to ask for help if we give them space to do that.
Speaker B:Giving them space often feels very prickly in our bodies because we weren't given space as children.
Speaker A:Um, well that plus we're very busy, so it's acknowledging that we're very busy.
Speaker A:But the two year old is not busy.
Speaker A:To the two year old, lacing up those boots is their morning activity.
Speaker A:In that moment, they're in the present fully.
Speaker A:So we're stood there going, we've got to do this, this, this.
Speaker A:I've got to be here by this time and I've got to pick up the food shop and I've got to do this.
Speaker A:This isn't this.
Speaker A:And the 2 year old isn't in that space with you.
Speaker A:They're just in the present wanting to lace up their boots.
Speaker A:And I think it's, it's really important that we're able to separate out all of the things that we have to do which exist in reality.
Speaker A:They're not going anywhere.
Speaker A:And so it is about building in that time buffer and putting boundaries in place to try and make sure that you can be present in the moment as well.
Speaker B:Yeah, and I also think there's, you've just triggered a memory there for me.
Speaker B:Back when my younger, my younger lot were younger and when I was still in corporate, there were many times that my children would start childcare in their pajamas.
Speaker B:We would just take them in their pajamas and their key worker would get them dressed after their breakfast at nursery.
Speaker B:And that was just the Hadcroft way.
Speaker B:Like, I'm not going to fight them in the morning, I'm not going to start my day fighting them.
Speaker B:But if I've got a meeting at 8am and my kids aren't getting up till half seven, I'm not going to disrupt their sleep to make my work schedule work for them.
Speaker B:I'm just going to take them to nursery in their pajamas and they will get dressed there.
Speaker B:So I think sometimes it's reducing the shame as well.
Speaker B:Like people go, I can't believe you did that.
Speaker B:Why?
Speaker B:Like the children, it's half seven in the morning, why would they not be in their pajamas?
Speaker B:Why would they be ready for the day at half seven in the morning, fully suit and booted?
Speaker B:That, that doesn't make sense.
Speaker B:Particularly if they're not early rises, which might never have been, thank God.
Speaker B:So, yeah, I have done that many, many times.
Speaker B:And I think there's another thing actually that's coming to mind is we were on holiday in the last 12 months.
Speaker B:I think it might be, is when we're on our summer holiday.
Speaker B:I don't know why, but I was severely in this.
Speaker B:We should be doing X, Y, Z, we should be doing this, we should be doing that.
Speaker B:And I was so stressed out.
Speaker B:It was like the school disco, not the school discourse, you know, like the holiday discourse in hotels.
Speaker B:Basically.
Speaker B:We couldn't really get our together to make it there on time and I was getting really stressed out about it because I thought my youngest would love it.
Speaker B:Anyway, this one particular Day I was like, you know what?
Speaker B:Study it.
Speaker B:We're not going.
Speaker B:And we went for dinner later and then we went and took a football down to the football pitch and we just had a really lovely evening.
Speaker B:And it really reminded me that the Hadcrofts very rarely do what is on the schedule.
Speaker B:We make our own up.
Speaker B:And by doing that, life is much nicer.
Speaker B:And most of my memories with the kids because we're doing stuff when other people aren't.
Speaker B:So we go on our days out.
Speaker B:It's the magical childhood memory.
Speaker B:Days out, we only go to them after dinner.
Speaker B:So we will have a slow morning in the house, eat our lunch and then set off the day out.
Speaker B:And then we will be there when there's hardly anyone there because they all got there in the morning and leave at 2.
Speaker B:So the 2 till 6 in most places is really quiet.
Speaker B:And that's when we go, that's when we visit.
Speaker B:And it's much easier getting out the house and going, having those commercial days out.
Speaker B:We don't do it often, but when we do, we always go in the afternoon.
Speaker B:We never go for the morning.
Speaker A:There you go.
Speaker A:So that's a really good one.
Speaker A:I think that's a really good example of how you can listen to as many kind of generalized strategies and tips and hacks and tricks and all the rest of it.
Speaker A:But really I think it's about really consciously and intentionally thinking about how your family works and how your kids work and how your business works and how your work schedule looks and then letting go of the shoulds and which exist in all of us.
Speaker A:And I think that they come in waves, like you say, even when you think you've put it down, it comes back for you and things come up and the mum guilt surfaces and the shoulds come back in and it's a constant kind of letting go of that.
Speaker A:I think for most of us, if not all of us, and just trying to identify when you look at the day, how can this best work for us.
Speaker A:And letting go of any external expectations and working with what you have.
Speaker A:So for example, my kids are early risers at the moment.
Speaker A:We're talking 5am to 5:30am and so which has been.
Speaker A:I'm not a morning person naturally, I am a night person.
Speaker A:I like to stay up.
Speaker A:So this has been.
Speaker A:It's difficult for me.
Speaker A:It has been difficult for me to adjust.
Speaker A:But now I'm kind of.
Speaker A:My body, my body's caught up with it and I'm like, oh, we have all this time in the morning, we have so much time.
Speaker A:It's like, okay, so we have time to make a proper breakfast and we can all sit at the table and have like a family meal in the morning and what else can we do with this time?
Speaker A:And I think thinking outside of your experience or what you think is normal or what you've been told is normal and structuring your day differently, I think is actually one of the biggest hacks of all.
Speaker A:I, I heard a parenting person on Instagram who I follow talking the other day and she did a reel and she was like, okay, the big question with mums is when do I find time for myself?
Speaker A:How do I find this time for myself?
Speaker A:And she was like, you're not going to like my answer, but I'm going to tell you the truth.
Speaker A:She was like, I used to get up at 4am she was like, my child woke up at 5:30, I got up at 4, she was like, and I had my time before the day started and we both went to bed at 7pm now that is not going to work for a lot of people.
Speaker A:I'm not suggesting that to structure of a day that's going to work.
Speaker A:But what I loved was this idea of completely throwing in the bin the shoulds.
Speaker A:And she was like, well, that was my kid's schedule.
Speaker A:So I worked around that.
Speaker A:If you want the time for yourself, you have to find it based on your individual circumstance and force a morning routine around what the guru say your morning routine should look like.
Speaker A:Because what if your child doesn't sleep till 7am and you can't, you know, wake up at 5:30 and cold plunge and journal before that?
Speaker A:It's not going to work.
Speaker A:So work with what you have.
Speaker A:And I think that's the most important piece actually.
Speaker A:And then from there you can kind of reverse engineer the strategy side and the practical side.
Speaker A:And what can I put in place to scaffold this day?
Speaker A:But you have to start from a framework of this is what my family looks like, this is what my kids look like, this is what my business looks like.
Speaker A:How can we make this run as smoothly as possible and what can we let go of to let that happen?
Speaker B:Yeah, I pull like that is that is us, that is what we've done.
Speaker B:I also think we.
Speaker B:One of the things that I recommend, and I also appreciate that it's comes from quite a privileged point of view, but it didn't back when we had nothing.
Speaker B:Like we come from literally having nothing is asking for help and sometimes paying for that help and literally being like, actually we need help and I don't necessarily mean childcare, I mean going to laundrette because your laundry has got a bit out of hand.
Speaker B:And instead of having a maiden all over your house and never getting to the bottom of it, spending a Saturday in a laundrette for two hours and using that two hours to read your book, have a cup of coffee and then you come back with clean laundry.
Speaker B:Like these are the little micro things that we could be doing.
Speaker B:Or like we got a cleaner when I went back full time after I said and that just reduced my Saturday need.
Speaker B:We currently don't have a cleaner because I can't find one.
Speaker B:If anyone knows one in my area, please put me in touch.
Speaker B:But we currently don't have one and I miss it.
Speaker B:I really miss having that feeling of coming onto a really clean house.
Speaker B:So it's not always someone to watch the kids.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's the other things that we have to do which then gives us more present time with our family and our children is something that I really, really value.
Speaker B:And I think I've just been away again lol.
Speaker B:And our 8 year old got invited to a party at the same time.
Speaker B:My daughter was playing football and going on a football match I think.
Speaker B:And they were just Kieran.
Speaker B:So Kieran was like how do I do all these things?
Speaker B:And There was a 5 year old that he'd look after and a 16 year old that needed putting on a train.
Speaker B:So he messaged the party person some parents and was like, so I have a dilemma, can't really get in there on these times.
Speaker B:But I could drop him off earlier and pick him up later.
Speaker B:Do you mind keeping hold of him for a bit longer?
Speaker B:And they respond to saying of course not.
Speaker B:Please drop him off, he can stay a bit longer, can play it as and then we'll pick you like you can pick him up later.
Speaker B:And which meant everyone got to do what they wanted to do.
Speaker B:But if we had gone, oh we can't do that, we can't possibly ask for help of this person's parent, I really would have missed out on the party because there was literally no other way to do it.
Speaker B:So I think asking for help and not being scared to put yourself out there with other kids parents is another thing that we do because we have very limited family support as well.
Speaker B:So it's me and Kieran.
Speaker B:If one of us is away, it's.
Speaker A:Just one of us 100%.
Speaker A:And do you know what else that does?
Speaker A:We talk a lot about the village, don't we, we've talked about that a.
Speaker B:Lot in the past.
Speaker A:And I think that part of being the village is opening that door.
Speaker A:The fact that you have done that means that then that other parent might feel comfortable reciprocating and asking in return, and then that becomes part of the culture of the parents group that you have.
Speaker A:And if everybody operated like that and everybody just asked the question and trusted that other parent to feel able to say no, if they couldn't, if they didn't have capacity to hold that, then we have a much more open dialogue and we have a culture that starts to grow where we do feel comfortable asking each other and we do feel comfortable taking care of each other's kids and helping each other out.
Speaker A:And that's how that village starts to grow and manifest locally within what you have available.
Speaker A:But somebody has to ask the question first.
Speaker A:Somebody has to be brave.
Speaker A:And it's really important that you can just be brave.
Speaker A:The worst thing they can do is say no.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And a lot of us hate the feeling of being told no.
Speaker B:And yeah, that is literally the worst thing that can happen.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And if that happens, then you can go on to the next.
Speaker B:Next problem solve, see if there's someone else that can help.
Speaker B:I think getting brave in hearing nose or being open to hearing the no is one of the, like, one of the best things that I've done.
Speaker B:And Kieran is like, putting ourselves out there and saying, actually, can you help me?
Speaker B:Can you pick my kids up for me?
Speaker B:Because my meeting's overrunning and I'm not going to get there on time.
Speaker B:We just hold them five minutes in the car park, I'm on my way.
Speaker B:But having those people, they don't just arrive.
Speaker B:It's something you have to work on.
Speaker B:And I think sometimes people make it out.
Speaker B:Like, these people are just there.
Speaker B:And it's something we've done wrong to not have it ourselves.
Speaker B:But actually it's.
Speaker B:We have to learn how to kind of make friends as an adult and that.
Speaker B:We're not taught that and that's not on Instagram and we're not seeing things about how we do that.
Speaker B:So, yeah, it's kind of just time.
Speaker A:It's so important.
Speaker A:And it is, It's.
Speaker A:It's being brave.
Speaker A:It's being the one who can take the first step, which is.
Speaker B:It's scary.
Speaker A:It does.
Speaker A:It requires courage.
Speaker A:But I think it's so important because the alternative is that we all stay isolated in our own little bubbles, struggling and asking, where's the village?
Speaker A:And somebody has to show up first.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I'm interested for you as well.
Speaker B:So I know you're one of the year.
Speaker B:This year's nourish.
Speaker B:And I want to know what you what nourishing with regards to food.
Speaker B:Food is a big thing in my house.
Speaker B:Like, so much energy is spent on food.
Speaker B:Like, what, if anything, do you have in your house that makes it easier for the food element of a family?
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:So I think my.
Speaker A:There's two main things here.
Speaker A:I think they actually tie back to what we've been talking about with regards to kind of letting go of expectations and shoulds and guilt, which is misplaced.
Speaker A:So one of the things I rely on really, really heavily is breakfast.
Speaker A:I am a breakfast person.
Speaker A:The kids eat breakfast.
Speaker A:I do not tolerate no breakfast.
Speaker A:Everybody has breakfast and we start the day with breakfast that includes protein and fat.
Speaker A:So we have proper meals for breakfast.
Speaker A:We have full fat yogurt, we have full fat.
Speaker A:And this is delightful for me as a girl who grew up in the 90s and noughties, full fat milk, full fat yogurt, full fat butter, full fat cheese, which we never had.
Speaker A:It was always, you know, minimum fat, minimum sugar.
Speaker A:I'm like, no, full fat.
Speaker A:And everybody has that.
Speaker A:And what I've learned is that when everybody has that initial nourishment in their stomach, we have a calmer morning because we're not dealing with sugar crashes on top of everything else.
Speaker A:So I prioritize that.
Speaker A:Even if it's a weekend and we are getting a sweet treat maybe a little bit later, maybe we're having a pastry, maybe we're having pancakes because it's a Saturday morning, we will be having Greek yogurt or scrambled eggs first and then the sweet treat comes a little bit later.
Speaker A:So I found that as a basis for nourishment really, really helpful.
Speaker A:And the other thing that I rely on very heavily is snacky tea is what we call it, or things on a plate.
Speaker A:So when my little boy was very small, I was very into, like, everything he ate had to be made by me from scratch.
Speaker A:And I was saving recipes for, you know, cauliflower, broccoli, tots and child veggie lasagna cups and all the stuff, right?
Speaker A:And it's gorgeous.
Speaker A:You know, I think, I think that some of the things that are available for weaning food and baby led weaning.
Speaker A:And it's lovely.
Speaker A:But honestly, it's a lot of work.
Speaker A:It's a lot of input.
Speaker A:And if you are working or running a business as well, I just found that way overwhelming.
Speaker A:And when I let go of that expectation of myself that we had to have dinners every night that were elaborate recipes, cooked from scratch and focus just on the actual nutrition and the food groups.
Speaker A:So basically some kind of picnic plate involving protein, fat, carbs, veg and as it turns out, one of my kids favorite things to eat, they are happier with that than most other things.
Speaker A:So we rely on that heavily.
Speaker A:If I've had a day where I've not, I don't have the capacity to cook.
Speaker A:We don't have anything like in the fridge or any leftovers or anything that's on hand.
Speaker A:Yeah, we have picnic plates and it's cheese, crackers, fruit, meatballs, slices of ham, boiled eggs, all of this stuff, all really good.
Speaker A:You get all the food groups, you get all the nutrients.
Speaker A:Crackers with full fat, butter spread on them.
Speaker A:They've got some good fats there, some proteins and that I rely on more than I would probably like to admit.
Speaker A:But at least one night a week it's snacky tea, let's do stacky tea.
Speaker A:And it's so quick and it's so easy and the kids absolutely love it.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's all that matters really, isn't it?
Speaker B:Like as long as they're eating and they're getting a really well balanced plate, what does it matter what it's called and like where it comes from, you know?
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:But I can identify where in the past that was an area where I got really hung up.
Speaker A:Because we're very foodie in this house as well.
Speaker A:I love food and I love cooking.
Speaker A:And when I've got time on a Sunday.
Speaker A:Yeah, I will.
Speaker A:Yeah, we're having the homemade shepherd's pie, but on a Tuesday night when I've got like a 5 o' clock meeting, we need to have some fallback.
Speaker A:So in terms of nourishment, just simplifying and stripping it right back to what are the actual nutrients we need in our bodies right now.
Speaker A:Let's focus on that.
Speaker A:I do that a lot.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker B:That's really inspiring for me.
Speaker B:We are not that.
Speaker A:Tell me about dinner times because I know dinner times is a real pain point for a lot of parents.
Speaker B:It's a pain point for us.
Speaker B:It always has been.
Speaker B:And I think it goes the territory of having extremely picky eaters again.
Speaker B:We have neurodivergence in the house and with that becomes lots of sensory issues and obviously taste is a big sense and also the feeling.
Speaker B:So we have sensory issues in taste and texture of food in our house.
Speaker B:There's also six people.
Speaker B:So it just makes a lot of things very stressful.
Speaker B:And as toddlers and young children, none of my kids were fussy.
Speaker B:It kinda develops as they get into school and I don't know if there's something where when there's other stresses going on like social circles, things like that, whether that then reduces the tolerance of food, I don't know.
Speaker B:But there's definitely something when they're in primary school that triggers some kind of fussiness and because of that it's a, it's an ordeal.
Speaker B:So we end up making.
Speaker B:I suppose it's a bit like your snacky tea.
Speaker B:We have safe foods which we know they will eat regardless.
Speaker B:Unfortunately, they're never the healthier.
Speaker B:So chicken or ribs, margarita, pizza, age anything.
Speaker B:Baguette.
Speaker B:Someone's really obsessed with baguettes at the minute.
Speaker B:So baguettes are on the table so we for dinner.
Speaker B:There will always be at least one of those safe foods per child on my table.
Speaker B:And then we'll add the other things in as well.
Speaker B:So things that I know they will definitely chops up cucumber, chops up carrot, chops up cheese.
Speaker B:So that kind of gives.
Speaker B:I know they're getting some kind of fruit and veg and getting some calcium and fat in there with chopped cheddar and then we will cook whatever we in.
Speaker B:So whether it's a air fried chicken or whatever and that'll go on the table and they'll encourage them to pick something they've not tried before, but their plate could look like a slice of pizza, some chopped up cucumber.
Speaker B:Like looking at it you'd be like that is not a meal.
Speaker B:But for us that's just something that has to happen.
Speaker B:But it just means it's a lot of thinking because there's so many different elements that we have to make every tea time and sometimes that means that actually today we're just going to have to go to the fast food because we know they're going to eat it, which isn't great.
Speaker B:I'd love to get safe foods that aren't fast food.
Speaker B:But I think part of that is because of fast food and because they're so artificial, they taste and feel the same and that's really safe for autistic brains.
Speaker B:So yeah, I need to work out how we get strawberries to taste and feel the same, you know what I mean?
Speaker B:Or increase tolerance to my children to be able to bite into something.
Speaker B:It might not be the same as it was yesterday, but that's a work in progress that we're still working on.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And when you throw things like neurodivergence and, say, food requirements into the mix, it can get a lot more complicated, right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So much.
Speaker B:But then I think what we do in our house is we know that's one of our biggest frictions, so we spend a lot of time removing friction elsewhere that's easier to deal with.
Speaker B:So then we have more capacity to deal with the food friction that's in our house.
Speaker B:Ideally, that will go one day, but right now, we're still not there.
Speaker B:And one thing that really works in our family is we have a food plan.
Speaker B:But it only works for as long as it works.
Speaker B:So we will do things like pasta Mondays.
Speaker B:So on a Monday, the other alternative dish on the table will be a pasta dish.
Speaker B:It won't be the same pasta dish, but it will be pasta.
Speaker B:Sundays we do Sunday roast.
Speaker B:But about three, four weeks ago, we did Sunday roast.
Speaker B:No one ate it.
Speaker B:I was also going on, you always eat Sunday roll.
Speaker B:It's like, we're just done.
Speaker B:We're just done with it.
Speaker B:And this is quite relevant.
Speaker B:If anyone follows me on Instagram, you will know that I have exactly the same breakfast every day.
Speaker B:It's a standard joke with lots of my friends.
Speaker B:A little same breakfast.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:One day in the future, I will make that breakfast and will not be able to eat it because I will.
Speaker B:I don't know when that is.
Speaker B:It could be tomorrow.
Speaker B:It could be three years time, but there will become a day where I will make that breakfast and will not be able to eat it because I'll just be done with it and the same happens.
Speaker B:So we make a food plan and kind of stick to it for as long as possible until eventually everyone's like, I cannot have a Sunday or Sunday anymore.
Speaker B:We need to change it up.
Speaker B:So I think we're now on bangers and mash on a Sunday.
Speaker B:So, yeah, like, there's that element.
Speaker B:We try and plan as much as we can, but also we have to be open to the fact that we're dealing with additional new kids that need us to flex.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And so I guess what we've been talking about is even more important, isn't it?
Speaker A:When we talk about working within the framework of what you have and the way that your family operates, obviously that's an additional element that needs to be built in.
Speaker A:And I think what you said there, that's really important is you build in time elsewhere to accommodate that need.
Speaker A:So rather than striving or pushing or stressing or feeling guilt or overwhelm around the fact that you need additional time to accommodate dinner because you have to make multiple foods, you make time elsewhere.
Speaker A:And it's a trade off.
Speaker A:And we talk about this all the time, don't we?
Speaker A:It's a trade off when we talk about trying to do both, trying to hold motherhood and business.
Speaker A:It's a trade off.
Speaker A:We talk about the lie that you can do it all, you can't do it all at the same time.
Speaker A:Everything has a trade off and I feel like that's one of those.
Speaker A:It's applicable everywhere, isn't it?
Speaker A:So if you have to make multiple meals, you're going to have to trade off that time somewhere else.
Speaker A:I, I'm not dealing with neurodivergence in the way you are in my house.
Speaker A:So I.
Speaker A:One of my rules is that I don't cook multiple meals.
Speaker A:So if one of my kids refuses a food, I'm not dealing with neurodivergence.
Speaker A:There's no other food available right now.
Speaker A:There'll be more food at breakfast.
Speaker A:That has been my standard rule.
Speaker A:So therefore I have potentially more time there.
Speaker A:But I might have to buy back some time elsewhere.
Speaker A:And that's why it's so important not to work from other people's playbooks and to be really intentional about how your family operates and put strategies in place that work for you.
Speaker B:Correct.
Speaker B:I think some of that is about like.
Speaker B:So I was on a bout with my daughter with her laced up boots.
Speaker B:That period of time while those boots fit her was absolutely the.
Speaker B:One of the worst periods of my parenting life.
Speaker B:So she never got laced up boots bought for her.
Speaker B:Why would I keep putting myself through that until she could do laces?
Speaker B:So she grew out of those boots and she has not had a pair of laced up boots since because why on earth would I put myself through that?
Speaker A:No, my two year old has crocs and she loves them.
Speaker A:They're not real, real crocs, but you know, like the cute little baby ones with the different characters.
Speaker A:She can put them on herself, she can slip them on and off.
Speaker A:It takes two seconds.
Speaker A:I'm like, good to go.
Speaker A:Crocs through the winter.
Speaker B:Big socks.
Speaker B:Ours as well is particularly my, my youngest.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Lived in wellies for at least the first three years of his life.
Speaker B:Well, he's in bare feet.
Speaker B:Is him to a T. So yeah, I think there's a bit of that.
Speaker B:And then the other thing I was going to mention, which is now just gone from my brain, that's an Oak perimenopause is very annoying.
Speaker B:It might come up.
Speaker A:Well, speaking about the trade off, shall we talk about.
Speaker A:We were, we, we were starting to have a conversation around some screen time which was one of the big trade off conversations, wasn't it?
Speaker A:Because obviously when you are a mum and you run a business, one of the I think fail safe go tos in the popular narrative is that the kids are gonna end up in front of screens or do the kids watch screens while you work?
Speaker A:And how do we use that tool?
Speaker A:And obviously it can be a bit of a charged conversation.
Speaker A:So my kids are still very little.
Speaker A:Six and two.
Speaker A:We don't have any device screens in the picture yet.
Speaker A:There's no iPads in the picture, there's no kind of personal devices of any kind of.
Speaker A:Because they're so little.
Speaker A:So it's TV in our house.
Speaker A:And I think that I again similar to what I was saying earlier around like my approach to my little boy's food when he was very little, when I was, you know, a new mom, I have come from a place where I was very, you know, kind of they're not going to have any screen time.
Speaker A:Very like Montessori led very in a way quite idealistic.
Speaker A:I think that in order for that to be really applicable in reality, you probably need to be someone who's in a position where you can be more of a stay at home mum role where you have your full time and energy to dedicate to the motherhood side.
Speaker A:So again when you're running a business or working it's more difficult I think to fully dedicate yourself to that kind of approach, which is what I've found.
Speaker A:And I definitely feel like the TV can be a really good tool, the trade off for me at the moment.
Speaker A:And we operate at the moment on a very reduced screen time basis.
Speaker A:And that's not from some kind of moral high ground standpoint or really anything to do with the debate around whether we should be using screens or not.
Speaker A:It is from the trade off standpoint because what I have found is that if I put the TV on in the morning I am trading the rest of my day being more chaotic because the impact on my 6 year old is that he having the TV on early in the day floods his brain, he becomes overhyped, he becomes overstimulated and what we have for the rest of the day is a decreased ability to behave in the way that we would want, a decreased ability to engage in other activities that aren't tv, an increased emotional volatility, tiredness he's a bit zombied and just generally overstimulated.
Speaker A:So that trade off is the one that I have had to kind of really battle and juggle and in the end for me that trade off is usually not worth it.
Speaker A:There's definitely times where it is and it happens and he gets a movie.
Speaker A:But most of the time I, I'm not really willing to make that trade.
Speaker A:So that's the kind of juggle that I'm in at the moment, is trying to find alternatives for that that mean that I can get some work done without having the trade off of the rest of the day going to shit basically because.
Speaker A:Because he's.
Speaker A:He's been overstimulated too early in the day.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's so interesting.
Speaker B:I am an absolute massive hypocrite.
Speaker B:So I hate screens.
Speaker B:It's no, it's no secret.
Speaker B:My kids are quite aware that I hate gaming, I hate screens.
Speaker B:And yet I have three avid gamers, including my five year old, he's a big gamer.
Speaker B:And my daughter also does look quite a bit gaming.
Speaker B:And they all spend a lot of time on screens, more than I personally would like.
Speaker B:But at the same time they all find it a really safe place to be when they find the outside world so scary.
Speaker B:And I do think Covid had a lot to play on this for my older kids.
Speaker B:And then because I had older kids that were.
Speaker B:Screens were so ingrained, it is very difficult then to take them away and not let the smaller kids see it.
Speaker B:So again, it's family situations like forever.
Speaker B:And I think that's one thing for me.
Speaker B:I see a lot of debate online and a lot of I'm right, you're wrong, you're harming your kids, you're harming your kids.
Speaker B:So there's arguments where you harming your kids if you don't, you're harming your kids if you do.
Speaker B:And I'm, I think I agree with it all all at the same time.
Speaker B:And yet my situation right now is if I took all the screens off my children, their brains would not cope with that because their brains have learned to use them as a way to cope with the outside world.
Speaker B:And therefore it's something we just work with as much as we can.
Speaker B:One beautiful thing though is the way the community comes together, which I think a lot of people who just say no screens or no gaming or no this, never and everything's bad.
Speaker B:I sometimes blinker to see the, the good.
Speaker B:Don't get me wrong, there's lots of horrible things on the Internet.
Speaker B:But there's also lots of really beautiful things.
Speaker B:My eldest boards at school and there was an event on one of the gaming, I can't remember which, but there was a some kind of event.
Speaker B:And ultimately my entire family on different screens in the house, plus my oldest elsewhere, joined this event online.
Speaker B:And they were on FaceTime to each other.
Speaker B:And honestly, I've never heard so much joy in my house because they were just all buzzing that they were in this room together.
Speaker B:They were watching whatever they were watching.
Speaker B:Um, I was in there with them, oblivious to what the hell was going on, but enjoying their joy.
Speaker B:It was just wonderful to see.
Speaker B:And I was like, if we didn't have screens, this wouldn't, this wouldn't be a thing.
Speaker B:And yeah, it is like side energy, it is overstimulating.
Speaker B:It is big.
Speaker B:But sometimes I think it's okay to feel those huge feelings.
Speaker B:And actually it's really nice to see him so excited and so joyful.
Speaker B:We don't want that every morning before school.
Speaker B:And that, that for me it's like, I don't think you should have it all the time.
Speaker B:But also there is a space.
Speaker B:And like I said again, I'm dealing with autistic kids and my 8 year old cannot tolerate transitions at all.
Speaker B:So a transition is when you're moving from one task to another.
Speaker B:So that can be getting up out of bed in the morning, then moving out of bed, and then the next transition will be getting undressed, getting redressed.
Speaker B:These are all transitions that he really, really struggles with.
Speaker B:So to help us with that, he needs a constant and something that, that is watching a YouTube video.
Speaker B:So if he's watching a YouTube video because his brain is like, no transitions happening here, I can then get him dressed because he's not realizing that he's going through a transition.
Speaker B:Ideally by the time he's a bit older and has more tolerance and his hormones have leveled out and everything else, he won't need that constant thing to help in three transitions.
Speaker B:But right now that, that's just where we're at.
Speaker B:I think they are tools to help kids that really struggle the outside world.
Speaker B:But also I hate it.
Speaker B:I'm like, why?
Speaker B:Why do we live in a weird world where kids brains don't feel safe in the outside world anymore and need tech?
Speaker B:So I have internal conflict on this all the time.
Speaker B:And I still use them because right now I don't see what the solution is, but because of how much it would cause them.
Speaker B:And it's not just so I can get work done it is literally so they can deal with life.
Speaker B:And obviously there is the work element as well.
Speaker B:But I think sometimes it's not all about how we can be more productive and how we can get more work done.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's even how do we carve out 20 minutes so we can have a coffee in peace?
Speaker B:Like, it doesn't all have to be for our effectiveness and our optimization and our productivity.
Speaker B:As mums and parents, we're also allowed to use screens just so we have five minutes.
Speaker B:Peace on a Sunday morning.
Speaker A:Yeah, they are tools, like you say, and I think it's so important to have conversations like this where we're sharing some of the nuance.
Speaker A:Like you say there is internal conflict.
Speaker A:It's not a straightforward decision of how and when to use these tools.
Speaker A:And I think everyone sort of focuses on the moral standpoint and you know, should we be doing this or not?
Speaker A:And it's actually not as black and white as that.
Speaker A:It's how do we use these tools?
Speaker A:Because there are situations like what you've just described where they are applicable and they are useful and they're actually helpful.
Speaker A:And we're not going to be able to find a balance with it if we're not able to have nuanced conversations around it where we show up and admit that we're conflicted and admit that we're navigating it and probably sometimes getting it wrong.
Speaker A:And it needs to be safe for people to say that so we can have the nuanced conversation without you immediately just being torn down and told you're a terrible mother because your kid likes watching bluey every now and again or YouTube videos or whatever it is.
Speaker A:There has to be space for that conversation to have some nuance to it because it's a tool like anything else.
Speaker A:And it depends on the kid.
Speaker A:Like anything else, it really helps your 8 year old, like you said, to move through those transitions.
Speaker A:For my six year old, it's not helpful to him.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker B:So it's not.
Speaker B:And this is the.
Speaker B:I think the debate is every kid is this kid.
Speaker B:And this is also how parenting, like, if you listen to any parenting gurus, it's, this is how a child should behave.
Speaker B:And if your child's not behaving like this, you're doing something wrong or, or there.
Speaker B:There's something wrong with them.
Speaker B:And actually, no, every child's an individual.
Speaker B:I have four children, they're all completely different.
Speaker B:And I think that is something that I was actually really surprised at.
Speaker B:So I had my eldest and my second and they were really different.
Speaker B:So I thought this was one way a child could be and then this is the other way a child could be.
Speaker B:Then I.
Speaker B:My third, who was different again, and then my fourth who was different again.
Speaker B:I was like, oh, actually it's not this or that.
Speaker B:Actually there is a multitude of different personalities and different way a child can show up.
Speaker B:And then that's when I think me looking outside for what should I do with this child?
Speaker B:Because there's just one way a child should behave stopped because I was like, oh, actually, no, that's absolute nonsense.
Speaker B:No children, no two children are the same.
Speaker B:So the fact that these blueprints and apps that tell me what's going on with my kid, I just think that it's got to be onsense.
Speaker B:Because no child's an average child.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:It falls down pretty quickly because even within one child there's multitudes.
Speaker A:They change all the time.
Speaker A:It's all changeable.
Speaker A:You have to be responsive.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So responsive.
Speaker B:I think as one thing that I've learned as my older kids get up is a practical thing as well.
Speaker B:So we say about young kids being in the rises and make a space for them and whatnot.
Speaker B:When you get teenagers, they are night owls.
Speaker B:I think it's something in the makeup.
Speaker B:So if you've got a mix of ages where you've got teenagers and young kids, your days are going to be longer.
Speaker B:Like there is.
Speaker B:There's no going to bed at 7pm if you've got a teenager that needs to dissect why we're here and what the purpose of the universe is.
Speaker B:Them conversations happen at 10pm, so you're not going to bed at seven when you've got teenagers.
Speaker B:But you might have a.
Speaker B:You might still have an early riser.
Speaker B:And I think surrendering to that and not trying to optimize your day and just being like, what are the three things today that need to get done?
Speaker B:And I still want to be a present parent for the multitude of children that are in my house, that's a big thing for me.
Speaker B:So some days it's just like, what are the three things I need to do today?
Speaker B:And then as long as I've got those three things done, the best messages can wait till tomorrow.
Speaker B:Because really there should be no more than three big things on your list, even if you're in a corporate job.
Speaker B:Like three big things today, then move on.
Speaker B:They're the.
Speaker B:That's the thing for me, particularly now, because my days are so bloody long because of the different.
Speaker B:Like, I'm Having to pick my 15 year old on a Friday night at 11pm, right.
Speaker B:And then my 5 year old will be up in the morning as a five year old.
Speaker B:So yeah, my days are longer now.
Speaker B:I don't get my evenings to myself and that just comes with the territory.
Speaker B:But then I also look at my 16 year old, I'm like, I've got two years left with you, if that.
Speaker B:You're already spending Friday nights out with your mates.
Speaker B:So this part of me that is also very nostalgically holding onto it when they do want to talk to me, when they do want to come and discuss the need of the universe.
Speaker B:So, yeah, there's that and homework.
Speaker B:My daughter, who's nearly 13, was doing her homework at 10pm last night on the phone to a friend, doing it together.
Speaker B:Like, can we please turn lights out?
Speaker B:She was like, oh, my homework's due tomorrow.
Speaker B:And I was like, well, why are you doing it now?
Speaker B:Why are you on the phone?
Speaker B:Can we like.
Speaker B:I want to go to bed.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So, yeah, like there's, there's the new.
Speaker B:As you come out of the toddler years, you enter into the tween years and then the needs of your family change again.
Speaker B:And I think that's something that I've learned to go with more than maybe I did.
Speaker B:When they were younger, I was a bit more strict on what I should and shouldn't be doing.
Speaker B:And now it's more actually we're going to flow through the weeks as much as possible and nothing's that deep.
Speaker B:Like that is a probably a mantra that I use quite often.
Speaker B:Like it's not that deep.
Speaker B:We can move.
Speaker B:And mantras are actually probably one of the.
Speaker B:My top tips as well.
Speaker B:Find some mantras that just get you through the hard struggle.
Speaker B:One is so it's not that deep is a good one that I use with the teens all the time.
Speaker B:And the other one is this two will pass because no teething.
Speaker B:Baby is teething when they're nine.
Speaker B:Do you know like Jill's pass.
Speaker B:And I think knowing that the hard trenches pass sometimes gives you a bit more energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Speaker A:Love that.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker A:I think we leave it there.
Speaker A:That's a beautiful place to end.
Speaker B:I've enjoyed this crap.
Speaker B:I've got so much out of it, you know?
Speaker B:Me too.
Speaker A:I feel like I've learned loads.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I'm gonna try and do more with our breakfast.
Speaker B:I think that's a really good thing I'm gonna take from you for sure.
Speaker B:Is try and implement more of the good, nourishing breakfast.
Speaker B:I have a really nourishing breakfast, but my children, not always.
Speaker B:They tend to go for the cereal.
Speaker A:I find it just is really.
Speaker A:It grounds them in.
Speaker A:It's a bit of a running joke in my house.
Speaker A:And the breakfast lady, I love breakfast.
Speaker A:I'm like a hobbit.
Speaker A:Like, I will have three breakfasts quite happily.
Speaker A:First breakfast, second breakfast, third breakfast.
Speaker A:Bring it.
Speaker A:It's my favorite meal of the day.
Speaker B:I love this so much.
Speaker B:We're gonna bring Claire Breakfast into our house.
Speaker B:It's gonna be called Claire Breakfast.
Speaker B:Everyone's gonna know who you are.
Speaker A:I'll send you some recipes.
Speaker B:Peace.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:Thank you for listening to us today.
Speaker B:I'm Laura.
Speaker A:And I'm Claire.
Speaker B:And this has been with both hands.
